My John Handcock, Food-Form!

So I think I've done it. I've finally done it! In an occasion more beautiful, more rare, and more delicious than a unicorn giving birth, I have my self given birth (not to a baby, unicorn or otherwise) but to my own perfect tomato sauce recipe!

...

Ok ok, so maybe you aren't as proud as I am. I'm just saying, you should be. Home made tomato sauce can be such a tricky thing-- too watery, too acidic, to heavy and monotone, too darn long to prepare to make it on any consistent basis. However, the way I make mine, it's zippy and flavorful with complex developments of flavor and best of all, only takes about half an hour to be (and make your house smell) really good, but you could leave it simmering longer if you felt like being truly luxurious.

I've had this sauce a million ways since I've begun working on it, but I keep coming back to eggplant it seems.

But what IS this sauce?! Well, it's more or less a mishmash of a fra diavolo sauce and an arrabbiata sauce. It's a thick, semi-chunky blend of tomatoes (canned: crushed/diced/puree or fresh, I've tried all of 'em), maybe some grated carrot and/or chopped leafy stuff if I have it and it's starting to looks sad, lots of onion and garlic and herbs and a couple generous pinches of crushed red pepper flakes, all tied together with an undertone of unusual briny muskiness of a big ol' pawful of chopped kalamata olives.

Let me emphasize: you need to use the olives. And they NEED to be kalamata olives. These guys:

Now no, they don't need to be Pastene and they don't need to be pre-pitted (mine are Pastene with pits in, though)-- these are the big fragrant oil-slick colored olives you see in salad bars sometimes, so if you're just looking to get enough for this recipe then you could probably get them there. They are musky, fruity, briny, and when you squeeze 'em, you'll see just how they get olive oil. You can't use those little black olives you stick on your fingers:

Just no. While they are delicious, these are California olives and they have a very different flavor than kalamatas. They are too mild for this recipe.

In case any of you are scared, don't be! Jordan hates black olives (though he likes those grody green ones with pimentos in... eewwwww), and even I feel like eating a big 'ol kalamata olive plain is not something I really want to do all that often. However, we're both crazy about how they almost melt away into the sauce, mingling with the spices and the sweetness of the onion and simmered tomato until they are a hidden backbone of something that only reminds you of the best of olive-dom.

Alright, are you ready for the recipe yet?! After all this angst about olives, I'm going to reassure you that basically everything else is subject to your own tastes and availability. Give it a try with the heat I've listed-- it's enough for zing but not "hot" per se-- and adjust as you need to. This is, after all, a weeknight sauce.

Equus's "Affamato Diavolo" Sauce

A briny, sweet, and piquant sauce laced with lots of herbs and studded with olives.

Enough for 4 or 5 pasta-starved folks:

1 12-oz can of tomato puree OR crushed OR diced OR probably 5 or 6 whole tomatoes
1 medium onion
5 or 6 cloves garlic
1 1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
1 medium carrot
1 T Italian seasoning
1 healthy handful kalamata olives (12 or 13?)
olive oil
salt

Use larger pot than you think you'll need; it's better to try and prevent at least SOME splattering. Add a good couple swirls of olive oil and heat to medium. While the oil is heating, chop the onion and garlic roughly and grate the carrot. Add these to the oil and stir around. Chop the olives roughly (be careful of pits!) and add these, your Italian seasoning, and red pepper flakes once the onions start looking translucent. Whirl around a bit then add your tomatoes. Allow to simmer for at least 20 minutes-- when  the olives and onions have mostly dissolved into the sauce-- or as long as you darn well feel like. Check every now and again that it's not evaporating and sticking and give it a little water if it is.

The end!

I've mentioned I really like it with eggplant as I've shown here-- just coated with flour and a little salt and shallow-fried in a pan. I like to leave the skin on because it holds the rounds together while being tender itself. It's also pretty :). I've also served this sauce with salted/floured/fried chicken, white beans, chopped leafy stuff, and even swordfish poached in it-- it's really versatile, but I think benefits from whatever your meat or whatever being a little on the bland side & with a bit of oil. I would not add ground meat or sausage because the sauce has enough "personality" on it's own and I think too much meatiness would muddle it. Meatballs might be good, though. In any case, serve it with whatever over some nice thick pasta and have yourself a good time.